by Brian Darlington – first published here: Set your agenda aside – SHEQ Management

Often leaders and others employed in the risk and safety field believe they need to do the talking, tell others what to do, control and guide the discussions, and have all the answers. This should not be the case. Leaders should at times learn to suspend their agenda and listen to others tell their story. One would be amazed at what can be heard and learnt from others.

In one of my previous articles, I wrote about the “lady in the smokestack” and ended by explaining the meaning of my quote: “Leadership is time and a simple cup of coffee.” Suspending one’s agenda and – at times – one’s authority is an important part of this.

Semiotics in Kuala Lumpur

In December, last year, I conducted some Social Psychology of Risk training for leaders in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia’s capital. At the end of a busy year, two of us decided to stay on for some scuba diving in the Malacca Strait or the Andaman Sea. However, when contacting the dive shop, we were informed that the monsoon season would make diving challenging and it was not recommended.

We decided not to chance anything and instead enjoyed the week visiting temples and shrines and seeing a bit of the country, whilst focusing on, and honing our skills in, semiotics and the meanings of all the artifacts, signs, and symbols that we came across. 

The Batu Caves Temple in Gombak had the greatest impact on us. It is believed to be over 400 million years old and became a popular Hindu shrine in the late 1800s. It is one of the most significant sites of Hindu pilgrimage. The caves also served as a shelter for the indigenous Temuan people of the Orang Asli tribe. 

As with much of the Hindu faith, it was awash with semiotics, filled with temples, shrines, colours, and one the tallest statues in the world: the 43-m golden statue of Lord Murugan, the Hindu God of War, to whom the caves were dedicated by an Indian trader towards the end of the 19^th century. The cave has since become the venue for the annual Thaipusam festival. 

Meeting Madhu and Sid

After climbing close to 300 rainbow-coloured stairs, and being harassed by many monkeys, we finally entered the cave. Noticing a shrine for Lord Murugan during our exploration, we were observing it and discussing the semiotics around it, but had absolutely no clue what all of the signs, symbols, and artifacts meant. As we turned around, ready to seek the aid of Google, we noticed a young lady and her son sitting on the floor against a pillar in front of the shrine.

We approached her and introduced ourselves, asking if she would mind giving us a few minutes of her time to explain the shrine and its meanings. She was more than happy to do so, but we were surprised when her seven-year-old son, Sid, pleaded with her to let him explain all of the meanings. He wanted to tell his story: the story of his god, Lord Murugan. 

Listening to Sid

We were invited to join them and as we sat down on the floor, Sid started to tell his story, with his mother, Madhu, chipping in every now and then to add some information. After little Sid had explained all the meanings and told his story, Madhu asked if he would like to sing a song about his gods. Without hesitation, he agreed and started singing, joined at times by his mother. When finished, Madhu explained the song’s meaning. We were inspired by Sid’s passion and knowledge, and were thankful for their time, but as I stood up, Sid grabbed my hand and led me back to the shrine to explain more about what each symbol meant.

Suspending our agenda

Exiting the temple, we sat looking down at the large statue and reflected on what we had seen and the 40 inspiring minutes engaging with Madhu and little Sid. We had learnt so much by suspending our agenda and allowing Sid to tell his story, listening with intent and in awe of how much detail he shared. He had noticed we were genuinely interested in what he had to say: we did not interrupt or try to control the discussion; when he paused to think, we did not fill the space with our words. 

Things should be no different at the workplace. Leaders do not always have to control a discussion, meeting, or engagement session, nor do we have to direct every conversation with teams on the shop floor or in the meeting room. What better way to start a conversation than asking, “would you mind telling me your story”, or “where would you like to start”?

In typical incident investigations, the investigating team usually works systematically through a long list of pre-planned questions. The famous “five whys” are used and various models are followed to get to the root cause. Many investigations come with a bias: preconceived ideas of what happened and what caused the incident. In many cases those involved are not given the space and time to tell their story, without the investigation team directing and taking full control of discussions.

If leaders allow others to tell their stories and listen with intent, it is amazing what information can arise from the engagement. Imagine a leader addressing a crane operator preparing to lift a heavy load that hasn’t been secured properly, posing a potential risk of falling. Simply telling the operator the load is unsafe and that it should be rigged properly focuses only on the object, not the person. Imagine if the leader asked the operator to explain what the task entailed, allowing them to tell their story. Now imagine that while talking the crane operator says they are “dead tired” and just wanted to get the job done so they could go home in 20 minutes.

If the leader was listening with intent, they would ask the operator to elaborate, and the operator might reply that they had been working 16-hour days for the past week. This would result in a totally different discussion: the leader would probably still ensure the load was secured and lifted safely into position, but would enlist a well-rested crane operator who was fit for the task.

Had the leader only focused on the load and not engaged and allowed the operator to tell their story, the unsafe load would with some luck have been lifted into position. Without luck, it may have fallen, resulting in damage or injury.

By no means am I saying that leaders do not have to take control and direct discussions; this is essential in various management situations. At times, though, leaders need to suspend their own agenda or even their own authority and allow others to tell their story. By actively listening, leaders build relationships, develop trust, show interest, display a caring approach, and promote open and honest discussions where people feel safe to speak up.

Had we not given Sid time to tell his story in the Batu Caves Temple, sitting in front of the shrine of Lord Murugan, we would not have learnt as much as we did. If we did not listen with intent, he would most probably not have told us his story with the passion he did, nor with the detail he provided. No tourist information or Google search would have inspired us the way he did. This is no different to the workplace; good leaders spend time with their people, allowing them the time to talk and share their respective stories, views, concerns, ideas, and more.

Reflecting as a leader

Practising leadership through reflection is about finding the time and space to look into the mirror and reflect on one’s own actions, leadership style, language used (both spoken and unspoken) and the way people are treated. It supports reflecting on one’s own strengths and opportunities for improvement. Good and honest reflection assists leaders in improving their leadership style and the way others perceive them.

Reflection is often focused on engagements with others. As mentioned, after engaging with Sid in the Temple, we purposely sat on the stairs and reflected on what had just happened: how we had approached Madhu and Sid and listened with intent, suspending our agenda and letting him tell his story. This time it went well, but there are many times when, during reflection, I have realised things that could have been done better. 

Many know that the most inspiring leader for me is the late Nelson Mandela: a leader who gave time to others, allowing them to talk whilst showing care and reflecting interest. I am currently reading a book written by Sir Richard Branson, who I believe is also of the world’s most inspiring leaders. He is a leader who spends time with people, and I have always liked his comment that one of his favourite ways of meeting is “sitting around a fire” in open discussion, allowing others to tell their story. I think many leaders could take a leaf out of his books and his leadership style, as well as the leadership approach of Nelson Mandela.