Sadie arrived in my office looking distressed.
“Barry, I’ve been looking at the Safe Work Australia glossary. It’s SIF-less.”
I put down my coffee.
“Sadie, you should see a doctor. And use better PPE, you’ve been too free and easy with your zero hate”
She stared at me.
“Not syphilis. SIF-less. It doesn’t have SIF.”
“Have you tried refreshing?”
“The webpage, Barry. Serious Injuries and Fatalities. Our latest professional obsession. I couldn’t find the acronym.”
Neither could the search of the glossary when checked for this article.
This was serious.
We had already printed the polo shirts.
“How can we sell cutting-edge expertise,” I asked, “if the glossary hasn’t caught up with our embroidery?”
Sadie scrolled through the entries.
“They’ve got hazards, controls and all sorts of established terminology.”
“Established?” I shuddered. “That won’t fill a conference.”
Kevin overheard us.
“Does an acronym missing from one glossary mean people aren’t addressing serious risks?”
I explained that he was confusing the work with the vocabulary.
We had spent considerable money moving from zero harm to SIF. We couldn’t simply continue discussing dangerous conditions in words everyone understood.
Where was the professional distinction in that?
SafetyRisk’s collection of acronyms and buzzwords demonstrates just how much terminology we have available.
Personally, I believe every workplace problem deserves three letters before it deserves a budget.
Sadie proposed writing to Safe Work Australia.
“We should explain the gap.”
“Absolutely. Call it a Critical Acronym Deficiency.”
“CAD?”
“Perfect. Now we can offer CAD assessments.”
Kevin suggested we simply write out “serious injuries and fatalities”.
I explained that expanding an acronym before invoicing was commercially reckless.
“If people understand it immediately, why would they attend the introductory webinar?”
He sent me an article about making safety language meaningful.
Sadie marked it Potential Threat to Training Revenue.
We shortened that to PTTR.
Nobody knew how to pronounce it, which gave it considerable authority.
By lunchtime, we had designed our own glossary.
SIF: Sudden Influx of Fees.
PPE: Professional Prestige Enhancement.
KPI: Keeping People Intimidated.
AI: Acronym Inflation.
WHS: Words Hiding Substance.
Kevin asked where we had defined consultation.
“Under C.”
“There’s nothing there.”
“We’re waiting for management to tell us what workers think.”
Sadie then announced a mandatory briefing to ensure nobody else confused SIF-less with syphilis.
I supported this wholeheartedly.
My immediate diagnosis had demonstrated how quickly misunderstanding can occur when someone uses language without checking what the other person hears.
Kevin looked hopeful.
“So you’ve learned something about jargon-free communication?”
“Certainly.”
“What?”
“Never diagnose a glossary without consulting a specialist.”
“Which specialist?”
I handed him my new business card.
Barry Spud — Consultant Acronym Therapist.
Sadie frowned.
“CAT?”
“Yes. Finally, something that can deal with all these rats in the terminology.”
Kevin left.
We recorded him as SIF-less.
Seriously Impervious to Fads.
brhttps://safetyrisk.net/sadie-discovers-the-glossary-is-sif-less/
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